It’s been a while since I posted. I apologize for that. Life just got crazy and exciting and terrifying all at once!
As a very quick update…
I fell in love with an amazing man named Christopher. Then he was offered a job in Austin, Texas in July. So, naturally, I moved to Austin to be with him in August. Yes, this Connecticut born and raised girl moved to the capital city of Texas. I was unemployed and pretty cranky my first few months here, even while making new friends. I even cried for an entire day when I got a call saying, “Thanks but no thanks,” after a job interview that I thought I was a shoe-in for. Finally, in God’s timing, I was lead to the perfect job, a great group of friends, and an amazing church that I get to call home. And of course there have been so many amazing things; movies the Alamo Drafthouse, dinner dates at Whole Foods, parallel parking downtown by myself, an unbelievable amount of delicious food, exploring a brand new city and state… Plus, I became a vegetarian!
But there’s still this feeling I’ve had, and it’s a feeling I’ve had for over a year now. It’s a feeling that I wrestle with every day, that keeps popping up in my mind right before I fall asleep at night, that I have to hide away in order to go on with my day properly…
I don’t feel like I am good at anything.
I really don’t.
And I know that it’s really silly of me to think that. But I DO think that. Constantly. All the time.
I know I take some good photographs, but I don’t think I’m a good photographer.
I know how to carry a tune, but I don’t think I’m a good singer.
I know how to do x, y, and z, but I don’t feel good at any of it.
I don’t think I’m good at anything, and because of that I’ve never felt successful.
But that’s sad, isn’t it?
Well, to me it is sad.
Because I’ve been tricked into thinking that success equals having value, that being successful means I have money, that success means I am good at something and that if I am not successful then I’m clearly not good at anything…
I let this skewed and completely wrong definition of success trick me into thinking that I wasn’t important.
… Really? Isn’t that that what this whole blog is about?
Yes, that’s exactly what this blog is about.
I forgot that I AM important!
… And that’s okay.
I needed to be reminded that I AM important.
I needed to be reminded that I AM successful.
In a month’s time I up left everything and everyone I knew to move to a city where I only knew one person. I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend of only five months. I turned down a job because I thought my experience and time was more valuable than what they were willing to pay me. I met with girls from Pursuit 31 I had never met before in person and quickly called them friends. I spent two months applying to literally hundreds of jobs until I found one that I loved and knew right off the bat was good for me. I got involved with my church’s STUDENTS ministry and stayed up all night with almost 100 middle school and high school students acting like a food. I became a vegetarian after wanting to do so for almost seven years. I moved into my own apartment in order to honor God and my relationship with Christopher. I’ve had bad days, I’ve had good days, and at the end of every day I’ve thanked God for every moment. I’m able to pay my rent and all of my bills and I still have a little extra money to go to the movies for a date or a night out with my friends.
I am the happiest I have ever been and finally feel like I am where I belong.
And if that isn’t the definition of success, then I don’t know what is.
What would I do if I were important?
I would live life to the fullest, love people, and thank God during every moment of it.
What would YOU do if you were important?